8 Tips for Managing Kids' Tantrums
Temper tantrums are one of the most common behavior problems in children. Behavioral outbursts can be difficult to manage and add stress for parents and teachers. Behaviors like crying, screaming, hitting, throwing, biting, and going limp are common during a tantrum.
Here are some facts and figures about tantrums (Sisterhen & Wy, 2022):
87% of 2 year olds have tantrums
91% of 3 years old have tantrums
59% of 4 year olds have tantrums
20% of toddlers have at least one tantrum per day
10% of 4-year-olds have at least one tantrum per day
So why do tantrums happen? It's often because children lack the ability to regulate their emotions and may not possess the skills necessary to solve problems and express their needs in more appropriate ways. Tantrums serve as a communication method for children to obtain something they desire or avoid something they find undesirable. Understanding what happens after a tantrum can give insight into what the child achieves from it. However, it's crucial to focus on preventive measures rather than reacting to tantrums in order to effectively reduce their occurrence. The following strategies can help you conquer tantrums.
Here are 8 recommended tips to manage tantrums:
Know the triggers and signs. Often the first step to managing tantrums is recognizing the patterns of tantrums. When and under what circumstances does your child tantrum? Also important is knowing the behaviors your child engages in prior to a tantrum. Knowing the warning signs is critical to intervening early.
Praise good behavior. Praising non-tantrum behaviors is an extremely impactful tool. Children with behavior problems often get attention when they are misbehaving. Thus, focus on catching your child being good. Praise for “gentle hands” or “great listening” reinforces alternative behaviors to tantrums. Additionally, prompting the use of coping strategies when your child is displaying warning signs like irritability can prevent a full tantrum.
Provide warnings. Tantrums often arise during transitions, especially when transitioning away from a preferred activity. To prepare a child for a tough transition, give warnings (e.g., “two minutes left”). Give praise for when your child has appropriate transitions
Stay calm. Although difficult, responding to tantrums calmly is key. Using coping strategies like deep breathing models adaptive reactions to stress.
Ignore nonviolent behaviors. Negative attention can be desirable for a child, and tantrums are often a means of getting attention. For children who are seeking attention, provide a child with lots of attention when they are not having a tantrum and withdraw attention when a tantrum occurs. Following through with planned ignoring is essential to using this strategy. If your child’s behavior is too intense to ignore, relying on preventative strategies is best.
Use simple language with a clear directive. When escalated, your child won’t be able to reason or think logically. Thus, keep directions simple and to the point (e.g., “clean up toys”). Take a breath, and give the direction in a calm voice. Pause and repeat the direction if necessary.
Use time outs. Time outs can be effective to curb tantrums for children younger than eight. Set a timer so the child can see the amount of time they have left and pause the timer if they leave their time-out spot. After the time out, praise their first positive behavior.
Follow through. Don’t give into a child’s demands or allow a child to escape a direction. This can be hard, especially when the tantrum occurs in a public place. However, children learn when their parents will give into their tantrums, meaning that a particular setting—like public places—can actually trigger a tantrum if they often obtain something desirable as a result of the tantrum in that setting (e.g., a toy).
Remember that tantrums are stressful for any caregiver. Practicing self-care is vital, especially for those caring for children with difficult behaviors. If you find that you are having difficulty implementing these strategies or the strategies don’t seem to be working, consider getting the help of a therapist. Working with a therapist can help to uncover why frequent or intense tantrums are occurring and which strategies may work best for your unique situation.