Timeouts Unraveled: Dispelling 4 Common Myths for Caregivers

When a young child is being defiant or aggressive, many caregivers do not know what to do. Often, caregivers are told to put their child in “time-out”, but what does that really mean? Are time-outs “bad” or damaging to children? Do they even work? This article will discuss common myths about time-outs.

What is Time-Out?

Time-out is a when a child is removed from an activity or setting, often as a result of defiant or aggressive behavior, to sit in a chair or another room. Given that time-outs consist of withdrawing attention from a child, there has been growing concern that time-outs may be harmful to children in several ways. However, these myths are not warranted when time-outs are done correctly. The following are common myths that have been dispelled by research.

Myth #1: Time-Out is Damaging to the Child

A common fear related to time-out is that time-out is “damaging to the psyche of the child.” This fear is born from the fact that children in time-out are often angry, and caregivers worry that isolating an upset child will be shaming and make the child feel abandoned, resulting in long-term traumatization.

Of course caregivers are distressed by their child’s feelings of anger or tantrum behavior and do not want to engage in any disciplinary practices that may be harmful. However, evidence does not show that brief time-outs where attention is withdrawn from the child are hurtful to the child. Time-outs provide children with the space to process their emotions and regain composure safely. Conversely, interacting with a highly agitated child may hinder their ability to calm down effectively.

Myth #2: Time-Out will Destroy Our Relationship

Another myth is that using time-out with a child will harm the caregiver-child relationship. Caregivers often fear that if they don't respond promptly to their child's every emotion, the child may lose trust in them, leading to exacerbated behaviors and a widening emotional distance between caregiver and child.

Engaging in time-outs consistently and calmly can actually help the relationship between caregiver and child. Time-outs can show the child that you are consistent, predictable, and a beacon of calm neutrality, even when the child is upset.  

Myth #3: Time-Out Lets them Escape the Task or Situation 

Time-outs occur as a result of a child not listening to the caregiver’s commands or engaging in aggressive behavior. Many caregivers worry that using a time-out will let the child “get out” of completing chore or other important activity.

In practice, time-outs should not let your child your child permanently escape an expected activity or command that they need to do. Once a time-out is completed, the child should have to comply with the demand or task you gave to them. When used appropriately, with a clear warning beforehand and when the child is familiar with the process, time-outs can actually enhance your child's compliance with instructions.

Myth #4: Time-Outs Don’t Work

Many families have tried time-outs or similar “break time” procedures in the past and experienced an increase in challenging behaviors, leading them to conclude that time-outs do not work for their child. With several attempts at time-out that end in a battle of wills and both child and caregiver frustrated, families may give up on time-outs entirely.

When using a new strategy, such as time-out, an extinction burst may occur where the behavior you are trying to change (hitting, bad language, throwing things) may actually increase in intensity before it decreases. Instead of allowing the child's escalated behavior to alter the caregiver's response, caregivers should consistently adhere to the time-out procedure while maintaining composure. Over time, the child will become familiar with the time-out process and understand that they must still complete it regardless of their behavior. Eventually, they will find it easier to comply by simply sitting and waiting during time-out.

What Should We Do?

Time-out is a helpful tool caregivers can use to decrease their child’s dysregulation and increase their compliant behaviors. Effective time-outs come with a warning or explanation prior to the time-out occurring, are immediate, and should be brief (2-3 minutes). Time-outs should not happen more than 3 times in a day for the same behavior once the child understands the time-out protocol. Caregivers can also use other behavior strategies to increase prosocial behaviors and decrease these unhelpful behaviors.

If you are interested in learning how to use time-out and other behavior management strategies with your young child, reach out to Thriving Minds for a consultation at this website.