Reaching Me by Teaching Me: How Parents Can Model Executive Functioning Skills at Home
Modeling Executive Functioning Skills at Home
If you are parenting a child with ADHD, you may wonder why it can be so difficult for them to do things that involve planning, organization, and routine—such as getting ready for bed, finishing homework on time, or following instructions to complete a project.
While all children struggle with these skills from time to time, children with ADHD may have more persistent difficulty with executive functioning. Being given a task—especially one with many steps—can feel overwhelming. They may start a task but struggle to finish it, lose track of what they are supposed to do next, or become frustrated with themselves. That frustration can make it even harder to get started.
What Is Executive Functioning?
Executive functioning (EF) refers to a group of skills that help us manage our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions so that we can accomplish a goal. These skills include planning, organizing, starting and completing tasks, managing time, remembering information, shifting between activities, and regulating emotions.
EF skills are supported by networks throughout the brain, including the prefrontal cortex. Research suggests that the development of these skills can be delayed or different in children and adolescents with ADHD. This means that a child may know what they are supposed to do but still have difficulty figuring out how to get started, organize the steps, or follow through.
As parents, this can be frustrating and may unintentionally create power struggles. However, instead of simply telling our children to “be more organized” or “just get started,” we can help by showing them what these skills look like in everyday life.
What Is Modeling?
Modeling, or learning through observation, is an important part of child development. Children learn from the people around them—including parents, teachers, coaches, and other trusted adults.
Modeling is not necessarily an explicit lesson. No one has to announce, “Today we are going to learn about planning!” Instead, we can teach executive-functioning skills by making our own thinking visible and involving our children in everyday activities.
This approach has the added benefit of creating opportunities for connection and collaboration while teaching valuable life skills.
How Can I Model EF Skills at Home?
Parents are in a unique position to model executive functioning because so many everyday activities naturally involve planning, organization, time management, and problem-solving.
Here are a few ways to get started:
Prepare a meal together. Talk through what you are making, what ingredients you need, how much time you have, and the steps involved. You might say, “The chicken needs 30 minutes to cook, so we should start that first.”
Pack for an outing together. If you are going to the park or splash pad, talk through what you will need. What activities will you be doing? How long will you be there? Do you need sunscreen, towels, snacks, or a change of clothes?
Create a grocery list together. Invite your child to help think through the week's meals, what you already have, what you need to buy, and what fits within your budget.
Plan an activity together. Whether you are planning a family outing or a weekend activity, talk through the options, weigh the costs and time involved, make a decision, and then follow through with the plan.
Think out loud. One of the simplest ways to model executive functioning is to verbalize the strategies you might normally use internally. For example: “The soccer game starts at 10:30, so we need to leave by 10:00. That means we should start getting ready around 9:30.” Or, “I’m going to set an alarm for 9:45 so we have a 15-minute warning.”
You can even model strategies for remembering things: “I’m putting my sunglasses next to my keys so I remember to take them with me.”
These small moments may not feel like formal teaching, but they provide children with a window into the thinking that happens behind everyday tasks. Over time, children can begin to recognize these strategies and eventually apply them independently.
The goal is not to do everything for your child. Instead, think of yourself as a guide: show the strategy, talk through the process, practice together, and gradually give your child more responsibility.
For children with ADHD, executive functioning is a skill set that develops over time. By modeling these skills in the context of everyday life, parents can help make the invisible process of planning, organizing, and problem-solving more visible—and more manageable.
Looking for More Resources?
If your child is struggling with executive functioning skills and you would like to learn some skills to support them, we offer a Parent Problem-Solving Program (PPSP) designed to provide practical strategies and individualized support.
Learn more here:
https://www.thrivingmindsbehavioralhealth.com/parent-training