Supporting Emotional Wellness with the PLEASE Skill

While we often focus on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when supporting a child’s mental health, it’s just as important to consider what’s happening in the body. Emotional wellness is built on a foundation of physical self-care. When children struggle with emotional regulation—meltdowns, irritability, or trouble focusing—it’s easy to assume the problem is purely behavioral. But often, their body is trying to tell us something. The PLEASE skill—taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)—offers a simple, effective way to reduce emotional vulnerability by checking in on five key areas that influence mood and behavior.

What DOES “PLEASE” Stand For?

  • PL – Treat Physical iLlness

Feeling sick (even slightly) can make emotional regulation much harder. Treat illnesses promptly, follow through on medications, and help your child keep up with daily hygiene like showering, brushing their teeth, and hair care.

  • E – Eat balanced meals

Hunger, blood sugar crashes, and poor nutrition can all lead to irritability, anxiety, or low energy. Encourage regular meals with a variety of food groups: fruits, vegetables, protein, dairy, and grains. Teach kids to notice when they’re hungry or full.

  • A – Avoid mood-altering substances (like sugar and caffeine)

While this might seem like a concern most relevant for adults and teens, younger children also experience emotional swings from too much sugar or caffeine. These substances can cause anxiety, trouble sleeping, and irritability (so moderation is key).

  • S – Sleep enough

Sleep is one of the biggest predictors of emotional stability. School-aged children typically need 9–11 hours of sleep per night. A consistent bedtime and calming routine helps the body and brain reset.

  • E – Exercise regularly

Movement helps regulate energy and emotions. Even just 20 minutes a day of physical activity—running, dancing, biking, playing tag—can boost mood and focus.

How Parents Can Introduce the PLEASE Skill

Kids don’t always recognize the link between how their body feels and how their emotions show up. One of the most helpful things you can do is guide that connection in a warm, nonjudgmental way.

Here’s a simple way to start the conversation:

“You know how sometimes you feel extra grumpy or overwhelmed, and it seems like everything is going wrong? There’s actually a cool trick called PLEASE that helps us figure out if our body needs something before our feelings get really big. Want to try it with me?”

Then walk through each part of PLEASE with your child:

  • Ask if they might be feeling a little sick or rundown.

  • Check when they last ate and what it was.

  • Talk about how much sugar or caffeine they’ve had today.

  • Ask how they slept and if they feel rested.

  • See if they’ve moved their body recently.

You can even use these check-ins regularly—like after school or before bedtime—to build emotional awareness over time.

Why PLEASE Works

PLEASE helps children develop a healthier mind-body connection. When kids learn to scan their physical state before reacting emotionally, they’re building emotional intelligence and self-regulation. For younger kids, this builds lifelong habits. For older kids and teens, it creates an accessible, judgment-free tool they can use independently.

As parents, your support and modeling of these habits is invaluable. Whether it’s drinking water when you feel irritable, taking a short walk when stressed, or getting to bed on time, your behavior teaches more than words ever could.

Felicia Diazparents